What if all the good stuff is you?
A new framework for thinking
Hello again, this month has been a relentless rush of activities but I’m trying to take every opportunity to soak in the fall foliage and be in the moment. I hope you’re doing the same. This week we’re pondering a specific adolescent memory and how it oddly applies perfectly to life these days. Plus, down at the bottom of the newsletter I’m sharing a new recipe that blew me away and a few other fun things. Let’s dig in.
When I was in eighth grade, my school hosted a talent show. As you can probably imagine (if you’re an elder millennial that is) there were quite a few choreographed group dances to late ‘90s hip-hop and boy band tunes (if you didn’t choreograph a dance to one of those songs at a sleepover were you really living?!). There was a brave soul who attempted some stand-up comedy and a smattering of others playing instruments. I was sat firmly in the audience, too shy at that point to share any talents.
I remember hopping up to run to the restroom between acts. On my way back I heard something that made me freeze in place. An acoustic guitar and an adolescent male voice—scratchy and immature but charming. Pre-teen girl kryptonite.
I stood outside the open doors of the auditorium and listened, not wanting to disturb his set by walking in. The room was utterly silent; everyone sat still in rapt attention. As an adult reflecting on what I saw on that stage—a young boy, vulnerable on the stage with a guitar and spotlight for company—I’m blown away by the bravery it required in those awkward years for him to get up and perform in front of his peers. But as a kid, what grabbed me were the lyrics of the song he sang. I don’t remember the title of the song, nor can I recall if he wrote it himself, but I’ll never forget the last line:
”I realized the best in you, was me.”
Wowsa.
This memory and that particular lyric struck me like lightning two weeks ago as I was preparing to leave my job of five years. It’s a line from a breakup song that easily translates into a framework for decision making. All you have to do is twist it a bit into a question. Is the best in this situation me? Is the good stuff here coming to me or from me?
This question has given me immense peace about my recent decision to leave a job I loved but had outgrown. I am the type of person to really dig in. I mean really root myself—in jobs, in friendships, in habits, in ideas. I stay put (we’ve touched on my tricky relationship with change). I mull potential change over endlessly in my mind. But in an odd and completely unpredictable moment of clarity, I remembered that talent show, that song, (and that boy who became a dear friend). I started to realize if the good flowing from me is disproportionate to the good flowing to me, maybe change is the only answer—not sticking it out.
And it seems as though I’m not the only one.
I’m in my late 30s now and the conversations I’m having with friends seem to keep coming back around to the idea of shedding what doesn’t serve us at this point. There’s just something about this time of life. Something powerful about a woman on the cusp of her 40s with zero tolerance for bullshit and self awareness to spare. But change still doesn’t come easy. I’ve spent hours lately listening to close friends who feel stuck in their own careers but are also paralyzed by the thought of what they might lose by making a big move. And I get it.
The longer you stay comfortable the harder it gets to draw clear distinctions between the thing you’re chasing and yourself. It’s easy to get stuck in the mentality that all good things are happening to you, not coming from you and that takes away any power you perceive yourself to have when it comes to changing your circumstances.
….back to our musician friend here….
What if the best in this (this situation, this job, this relationship, etc…) is you? What if all the good you’re seeing is your own reflection? It’s such a powerful thing to be curious about. Just ask what if and let the “then this…” flow from a judgment-free place within. What if we start asking ourselves if the things we believe we’re sticking around for are actually just the good things we’re putting in? And what if when we leave, we get to take those things with us?
Still thinking about…..
I just made this recipe and I’m already dreaming of making it again…maybe over the weekend!
I’ve also been whipping up recipes from Caroline Chambers’ book. This one is my favorite so far. Don’t skip the jazzed-up sour cream—it’s amazing!
Started my new job and would love for you to check it out!
These are the best pajama pants—they’re cotton so they aren’t too hot and they wash and dry like a dream. Plus they are on mega sale right now!
Finally digging into this book and put this one on my list for a fun witchy fall read thanks to Hitha.
Desperately need a new highlighter so I snagged this TikTok famous one to see if it’s worth the hype; I’ll report back.
If you loved Anine Bing’s metal cap-toe flats from early this year but couldn’t stomach the price, Stories just did an amazing dupe. As a self-proclaimed hater of flats I bought these from Stories a month ago in an attempt to dupe the Toteme everyday flats and I love them.