Transitions

Is there a better way to handle change?

It’s been a minute friends! I know there are a few new folks here as well so hi and welcome. I’m knee-deep into a month-long sabbatical from my day job and while I feel so lucky to have this time, the summer chaos has been tough to balance alongside my desperate need for relaxation. The kids’ routine is shot to hell, I’m staying up til the wee hours watching Love Island USA (why is it SOOOO good!?), and my previously consistent nutrition and exercise regiment is slowly slipping in the face of endless travel. This is about the time of year where I start to dream of fall’s slower pace, cozier vibes, and more rigid routines.

Do you ever notice that when you click into something, be it a feeling or train of thought or even something small like a word, you start to see and hear it everywhere?! The season we’re entering into—this doorstop between summer and fall—is an obvious time to think about change and transition but I feel like it’s the usual this-time-of-year vibe times a million for me at the moment. Change seems to be screaming at me from all angles.

I was whining about this to my husband and he said, “yea this happens to you.” To which I immediately shrieked “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” He said he’s noticed a pattern in my life where things are really placid for a time and then absolutely everything that can get shaken up starts whirling around in the great blender of life all at once. “You go through these phases every few years where everything starts blowing up all at once but you always come out stronger on the other side,” he said with a shrug like it was no big deal that he just encapsulated my life journey in a single sentence and moved on eating his bag of chips.

And dammit if he isn’t right. All I can see, hear, and feel is change at the moment. We’re preparing to send our first-born to kindergarten in less than a month, some things are brewing in my personal life that could mean big transitions for our family, and we’re tip-toeing into a fall mentality while the summer sun is still blazing. I’m packing for a trip to Hawaii this week even as I just visited the mall and saw racks and racks of new fall fashion (side note, the return of Chloe’s early aughts era boho-chic aesthetic has me buzzing for fall clothes with all my favorites back in stores—leather! suede! fringe! chiffon! studs!).

I’ve been told by a few family members that I’m bad at change. And I see it in myself. I’ve spent some time now thinking about past transitions and how I reacted to them. Our move to the suburbs rocked my universe, my move to New York as a recent college grad shook me to my core (though it was everything I could have dreamed and more), my jump from working in editorial to working in marketing required a complete rebuild of my professional confidence, and every job change since has brought butterflies to my stomach. But even faced with all that evidence, I’m hesitant to say I’m definitively bad at change. Knowing the difficulty that those past moments of transition brought me, I tried to think of a time that I took change head on. I want something to give me a model for what’s coming next in my life. And the answer hit me like a ton of bricks—motherhood.

This week a friend who is expecting her first baby posted on Instagram about her nervousness around the unknowns of first-time motherhood. She posted about feeling stressed about how up-in-the-air absolutely everything feels when you’re in the midst of prepping for a new baby and the transition to parenthood. I could feel my fingers tingling as I typed a response to her. Because the change from non-mother to mother was utterly transformational for me in the most positive ways. Were she posting about any other topic besides parenting I’m not sure I’d have known what to respond but I instantly sent her a DM saying,

“Everything is up in the air because a new world is forming right inside you. You are a gateway in this moment and all new things are entering in. Parenting is a lesson in living alongside the unknown—maybe this is the start of initiation into the best club ever.”

I don’t share the above to shame anyone whose transition to motherhood was rocky. It’s the most complex thing in the world. But rather, to give myself a marker for a positive outlook on change and a tangible example for me and by me to show that I can handle B.I.G. transitions. No one can amp you up like your past self in a moment you’re really proud of.

Re-reading that response to my friend, I’m surprised at myself for how crunchy and whimsical I sound, ha ha, but the words to say were just there in my mind without reaching for them (and to give credit to my brilliant friend she told me to immediately put this into a newsletter). Why is it that I view the parenting transition in such a generous (and frankly magical) way but other big changes and unsettling transitional periods leave me spiraling? I think it’s because I decided almost immediately after my first daughter was born that the transition to motherhood was additive not detrimental. I believed then and believe now that I am gaining so much more from this transformation to Mother than I’m losing. I have not allowed myself to entertain the opposite viewpoint.

And that might be the key to unlock this whole handling change thing. Fight like hell to stay in the positive-present. Speak openly and often about the good that will come of the change. Acknowledge the stressors and potential losses like fleeting thoughts and let them go on their merry way. I saw a quote this morning, because again, the theme of transitions and change is FOLLOWING ME around:

”she’s forever gonna say ‘I got this’
even with tears in her eyes” - @akhirapoetry

I think you can take that quote in a variety of ways but the way I received it is that it’s OK to move forward while feeling deeply. You can become good at change by actively grounding the change in positive expectations. That’s what I hope for all of us in the transition to fall and all the others to come.

I’m taking a break next week for some travel but I’ll be back in September! Talk soon!

Still thinking about…..

This article about teen beauty trends over the last 80 years was such fun, nostalgic read.

This article from Emily Oster (one of my fave parenting experts) is an incredibly reassuring read: “Understanding Risk, Living with Uncertainty”

The show I worked on is out on Amazon Prime! Selfish plug for you to stream it

Tried on this dress during the aforementioned mall trip and cannot wait to buy it. It’s giving me the old-school Chloé moment I’ve been dreaming of for fall

LOVING all of Jessica Leigh Kirk’s easy healthy recipes lately