Lessons Learned in 2024
The serious and not-so-serious
Hi friends, we’re soooooo close to winding down this week and really resting over the holidays but I’m finding that the proximity to restfulness is having the opposite effect on my current day-to-day. Time feels very warped at the moment—I’m having simultaneously the longest week ever and the shortest days ever. There simply isn’t enough time to get everything done before December 25th but also, will that day ever get here?! To try and temper some of my unrest, I thought I’d switch up my plans for this week’s issue.
Last year around this time I did a favorite-things style issue for paid subscribers only. I want to bring that back this year but I’m planning to share it with everyone closer to the New Year. Instead, I decided to use this week to focus on what I’ve learned this year and in reflecting on that, maybe lift myself out of this pre holiday funk. Also, aren’t we all a littttttle bit shopped out?!
Before we dive in, there are a LOT of new people here. Welcome! I’ll do a quick intro. I’m Bethany, I’m a Brand and Marketing expert (currently building a brand new startup you can check out here), a certified lactation counselor, a writer, a former fashion editor and blogger, a mom, a wife, and an all around curious person. This newsletter is a space to be curious, dissect life’s twists and turns, get a great recommendation for just about anything, and ponder life’s big questions in a casual coffee-with-a-friend sort of way.
Now without further ado…..
2024’s Lessons and Learnings
1. To quote a Nelly Furtado song from 2006, “Say it Right, Say it all”
Looking back at this year I can think of at least four times when I had a lay-it-all-on-the-table type chat with a friend. I’m not talking about a mere gossip session or a surface-level airing of grievances. I’m talking down-in-the-dirt type shit. The type of conversations where you just jump in and cross your fingers that you didn’t just scare the crap out of your nearest and dearest. A couple of these happened in person, the others were on the phone. And all of them led to some of the most immense relief and clarity I’ve ever felt.
Two issues ago I talked about the surprising benefits of letting people see you struggle and this is in the same vein. What I learned from saying it all out loud this year is that soul baring is needed. It’s healing. And you don’t necessarily need to get answers to make it worthwhile. In fact, I wouldn’t expect for your friends and family to give life-altering advice in these moments. Rather, this is a chance to hear yourself dissect something out loud. To get in touch with the words you use to describe what is happening, to have revelations in real time. There’s magic in the necessity of explaining yourself to someone else. It takes the tornado in your head and reorders it into a gusty wind. Explaining and hearing yourself explain can crystalize your next steps or at the very least lift a weight off your chest. You can do this during therapy, of course. But what I’ve found is that after these conversations, the ties the bind me to my friends grew stronger. We pulled closer and the effects have lasted all year.
2. Do the BIG thing. And do it just for you.
I went in depth on this topic in this post so I won’t belabor it. But, what going to Hawaii alone this year taught me was that it’s ok to do the BIG thing for yourself and put everyone else’s needs on the back burner for a while. Maybe for some of you that feels obvious, and if so, bravo! But it took me ages to get to this point. And don’t confuse what I’m saying here with “small acts of self care.” No ma’am. I’m saying do the big damn thing. Change your job, move, travel alone—whatever it is that your body is yearning to do but your mind is convincing you shouldn’t because it’ll inconvenience others or the risk is too great—do that thing. We get one go around on this spinning rock. Do the thing that comes unbidden to your mind while you do everything else. Stop waiting for the right time.
3. If you can feel the pull; be pulled.
We’re getting a little woo-woo here. Fair warning. This year I quit my job of five years to take a risk on growing a new company. While the decision wasn’t easy, it did feel intuitive. I’ve tried to make a practice in my life of being open to the pull of the Universe. But this year I felt that I really gave in, trusted, and let myself be pulled. It hasn’t been all smooth sailing but there has been a deep knowing that I’m where I need to be in this season. It’s the easiest thing in the world to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. Be it good or bad. Growth and change will always, always be the harder, shadier, more winding path but what I have realized in 2024 is that discomfort can coexist with knowing you’re right where you need to be.
4. There’s therapy and then there’s really excellent therapists
We’ve talked a lot about my therapist this year and to be honest, as much as I mentioned her, I held back even more. She is my fourth therapist in the last 8 years and it took that long to find the right fit. I know a lot of people who avoid therapy simply for the dread of weeding out the bad ones. But, I have to say, finding the right one is worth the journey. The results are worth the wait. The other therapists I’ve had weren’t bad per se, but the energy exchange just wasn’t spot on. I think at some point everyone needs therapy and I want to implore you not to let the selection process rule out the whole venture for you. My best advice is to write out a description of the type of person you want to reveal your deepest thoughts to and use that as a compass when you’re doing intro calls (which you absolutely should do). My list included: a woman, motherly but not overbearing, direct, not overly coddling or sweet, at least ten years older than me, and someone who would ask a lot of questions and give me actionable homework and strategies to feel better. I found exactly that and more after a handful of introductory calls and she made this year exponentially better.
5. And on a less serious note….wear socks to bed….
I know, I know hard left turn here but I had to mention it. My husband and I have had a good chuckle about the fact that early in our marriage I told him that people who wear socks to bed give me serial killer vibes. (I tend toward the dramatic in if you can’t tell.) But for as long as I can remember I’ve been a barefoot girl. I like my feet to breathe. Then, at the beginning of this year I read an article about how wearing socks to bed improves sleep (How did I stumble upon an article like that? No clue.) But turns out, wearing socks and warming up your feet can help you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. According to the Sleep Foundation, “warming feet for 20 minutes before bed reduces insomnia symptoms.” So now my feet are cozy through the night and I’m telling you, I sleep so much better. I also invested in a pair of house shoes after I complained about back pain and my doctor told me walking around on our wood floors barefoot all day (and being over 35 *sigh*) was part of problem. I’ll be damned if my back pain didn’t improve in just a week’s time. Turns out little tweaks can make all the difference.
Ok my dears, those are the big lessons from 2024. I’m ready to take it easy for a couple weeks. I’ll do my best to get that favorite things email out to you but then I’ll be signing off until the New Year. Wishing you all the love and peace.
Still thinking about…..
Amber’s Instagram account is like a breathe of fresh air mixed with fairy dust. She’s teasing leaving the platform so I’ve subscribed to her newsletter
I love nothing more than to nerd out on fashion. This deep dive into finding the perfect pants was a phenomenal and helpful read
This easy and fairly healthy recipe from Caroline Chambers is one of the few things my kids will eat currently.
I saw a girl using this on Instagram and now I must have it (yea, it’s kinda gross)
Finally tried the Patrick Ta blush and I get it now. It’s gorgeous and it has staying power.