Half Ideas Vol. 4

A little of this and a little of that

Hi friends, it’s been a minute. First and foremost thank you for the responses to this post. Writing it in the wake of the election was incredibly cathartic and I was touched by so many reaching out to say that the words I wrote resonated with them. Poetry is the form of expression within which I’ve always found myself to be most raw and able to convey naked emotion. I’ve written poetry since I was a kid but I’ve rarely shared it. It felt good and maybe I’ll do it more often.

It also felt good to put those big emotions into the world and then disappear for a bit.

I needed some space from the “what ifs” and doom and gloom (though both are warranted and I think we’re in for a rough four years). I spent the last month pulling at every joyful thread I could and I hope you have too. We attended two Friendsgivings, we did holiday excursions to see a Christmas tree festival and a holiday lights show and a gingerbread competition, and it was all wonderful and so needed. December only gets busier from here so newsletters may be spotty from now until the new year but I am sincerely grateful for all of you and I hope you’ll stick around for year 2 (we hit one year in October!!!) of this little baby of mine. Now let’s get to it.

Let them see you struggling.

I was half listening to a podcast interview of Morgan Freeman this week while I cleaned the kitchen. His velvet voice was lulling me into a daydream state while I scrubbed so I was catching only every other word until he said something that had me striding toward my phone to play back the audio.

He said, “You step into a hole somewhere and you sink but instead of giving up right then you keep pushing. And I always tell youngsters and my kids, if you fall and you just lay there people will go right past ya. But if you fall and you struggle somebody’s gonna give you a hand…..sometimes you just can’t get up by yourself but that doesn’t mean lie there thinking ‘ok this is it,’ it’s not it unless you say it’s it. Keep pushing, keep trying. Someone will give you a hand,” - Morgan Freeman

I listened four or five times to let that sink in. Just a day before hearing the interview, I’d called my little sister to ask for a pep talk—putting my struggle on full display. It was uncomfortable (I despise crying) but by end of the call I felt so seen. And by the next day I’d put some of her advice into action and felt a thousand pounds lighter.

A few years ago I decided to stop saying “good” or “fine” when someone asks me how I am. Even if I am truly just good or fine, I try to elaborate. I’m not sure at what point it became polite to flat out lie about how we’re all doing but it’s incredibly boring and it certainly doesn’t open the door to receiving advice or encouragement we might desperately need. I think my own decision to answer honestly when asked how I am crystalized when I started working with breastfeeding mothers. As a lactation counselor, you are almost always at the receiving end of a story of struggle (I wish it weren’t so but birth and postpartum in this country are difficult). The gratification that comes with receiving someone’s story of struggle and being able to offer support and advice will never get old and it inspired me to share more of what I’m going through so I can receive the wisdom and encouragement that is out there to be received.

But, it’s not a perfect practice. I have a friend who suffered a devastating loss this year. All year when asked how she was doing, she answered honestly. I have watched her stare at her grief and examine it and speak about it openly and has helped me keep my own instincts to sugar coat things at bay. Because when we put on a brave face we often lose the opportunity to truly connect.

I love Freeman’s advice because despite all the horrible shit going on in the world right now, I do believe there is an innate human instinct that most of us share—to help, to commiserate, and to pass on what we know. Being brave all the time means no one is stepping in to help you fight your battles and it’s much harder to fight, to try, and to struggle alone.

Think Small

Taking a hard left turn here, let’s talk about gifting because the holidays are fun and we need a little levity right now. I’m doing my best to shop small and support local businesses when I can this year. I love nothing more in life than to discover a small shop that has it’s own unique vibe and an array of giftable treasures. So, in the holiday spirit, I thought I’d share some online stores you might not have heard of so you can be prepared when it’s time to play Santa.

Quail Store is a small shop in Philadelphia that offers some of its wares online. There’s a heavy focus on home goods sourced from artists and designers. How beautiful are these Italian linen napkins (a great hostess gift). I have this candle on my wishlist and I love this wavy little taper set.

My girls’ stockings were filled with finds from Merci Milo last year. This whimsical little toy store based in Portland gives The Shop Around the Corner from You’ve Got Mail vibes. My littlest got this doll backpack last year which she was using just today. She’ll probably get this in her stocking this year. These cups are absurdly fun. These soft crowns were also a hit last year and a great alternative to the hard plastic ones that hurt to wear. I could honestly browse this site for hours.

Drew Michael Scott is a bit of a design wunderkind and one of a handful of designers I’d love to have decorate my home. Lone Fox, his retail home on the internet, is a favorite of mine for home decor and vintage furniture finds (most of which I just drool over but I aspire to have places in my home for). I love the way he blends vintage and statement pieces with modern touches. He somehow imbues warmth and richness into every space while maintaining his design POV. Everything in his shop is just right, down to every last detail. This 19th century console table is divine and these oak and leather stools are unreal. He has a great eye for textiles like this medallion throw and the art print section is packed with goodness.

The Catskills is one of my very favorite places on Earth and Homestedt seems to have captured the magic of the region and bottled it up inside their two cozy locations—the Homestedt shop in Livingston Manor, NY, and the North Branch Cider Mill. My husband gifted me this cozy sweater this year and I used these mulling spices to jazz up apple cider a few weeks ago–it had just the right level of spice and was beautifully fragrant. These socks would make a great little gift.

Salter House was a favorite Saturday stroll stop when I lived in Brooklyn. Now, I browse every time I get their newsletter. It’s a small, quirky shop with vibes that are a blend of Little Women, a little Colonial cos play, and a little bit……French? I don’t know how else to describe it but you put it all together and it fits perfectly in Brooklyn. If you know, you know. I am currently daydreaming about just hitting ‘buy’ on this black silk organza ghost dress of my dreams. I am also inexplicably drawn to this horsehair table brush which I absolutely do not need. It’s not the most practical store but that’s the fun of it!

I could go on and on but I’d love to hear in the comments what small businesses you love!

Build Your Own Feast

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I’ve started thinking about the dishes that will make up the Thanksgiving table I start to build for my family over the next few years. It’s probably sacrilege to say, but some of the dishes I grew up with aren’t hitting like they used to. I’m excited to start building a feast that has my personal touch as well as a few well-loved favorites. It’s odd when you start to realize that you’ve entered the stage of life in which you are now the maker of new traditions and keeper of the old (or not!).

My family’s bread roll recipe is a staple that will stay forever and our cranberry sauce is usually a hit. But, I want to make way for new staples too. My friend Katie makes this addictive corn dish every Friendsgiving and I plan to add it to the menu. In a duel of the dressings this year we made both my family’s old reliable recipe and this newcomer from Real Simple and I have to say, the new recipe was the one to beat. My sister-in-law makes an amazing sweet potato pie that is starting to outpace my love for the roasted sweet potato and marshmallow dish I’m used to. And, this simple, flavorful cranberry cake from the goddess Ina Garten is the perfect post-meal sweet for turkey day. I hosted a fakes-giving for my husband’s family this year since we were with my family for the real holiday and greeting our guests with hot mulled cider (with a Bourbon kicker for the grownups) was a cozy and delicious way to start the visit that I plan on repeating. What traditions are you adding to the holidays? (Now that we’re the adults and all).

That’s all for now. I’m skipping the “still thinking about” section this week since I gave you so many links above but it’ll return next time!

Talk soon!