Are we all hate-watching together?

First things first, apologies for missing last week’s issue. Life got a little too crazy and I missed a beat but we’re back this week diving into a new topic.

Recently at a birthday dinner for a dear friend I floated the idea for this newsletter to the group. I started by asking if they have a show that they hate-watch. What followed was a lively discussion about the difference between comfort-watching a show and hate-watching a show—turns out it’s a very fine line.

Here’s how I’d define the two:

Comfort-watching: repeatedly tuning into a show that gives you warm, happy feelings or compels you with riveting storytelling. (Also acceptable, a show with a delicious lead character, ahem, Peaky Blinders).

Hate-watching: Repeatedly tuning into a show that annoys you in some consistent way but that you simply can’t stop watching once you start.

I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot because I have been faithfully hate-watching Gilmore Girls for weeks. In fact, it seems as though a lot of us have. The show, which originally aired in 2007, was in the top ten most streamed shows of 2023. As a smattering of articles will point out, Gilmore Girls seems to be a comfort-watch for most people. A fact that almost stopped me writing this newsletter until my husband casually mentioned that his co-worker’s wife also hate-watches it. That’s all the validation I really needed but I also asked my sister who has watched the series more than a handful of times if she loves the show for the characters. She was quick to point out that almost universally, the characters on the show are deplorable and drive her crazy. Well if you ask me, that’s a hate-watch right there.

Post birthday dinner one of the friends involved in the hate-watching chat sent me this article which touches on antihero worship, what I’d consider an off-shoot of the whole hate-watching notion. It refers back to a 2013 article that asks, do we care too much about characters being likable?

I’m going to make a bold statement and say that of all the thousands of people “comfort-watching” Gilmore Girls there have to be a fair few who find each and every character to be nearly unbearable in turn (as I do). Which leads me to ask, are we all (secretly) hate-watching together?

There are a lot of redeeming qualities about this show. The dialogue is fast and pithy. The charm of Star’s Hollow is almost ubiquitous in its appeal. But, the characters are the root of my hate-watching. Both Lorelai and Rory are grating and unrelenting in their cynicism. They treat all the men they date like absolute garbage—cheating, lying, sleeping with married exes, blowing up an engagement and then sleeping with an ex. Lorelei, Luke, Michel, and even lovable Sookie are embroiled in a verbal merry-go-round of rudeness for 75% of the show. Rory’s naïveté and unrelenting commitment to speaking in a baby voice drive me up a wall. Lorelai can’t seem to make an adult decision to save her life. I could go on.

My favorite character in the entire show (and arguably the best actress) is Emily Gilmore, the supposed villain, played by Kelly Bishop. And she has flaws abound. And yet, I watch. And I think I’ve nailed down why. Despite the individual characters being no one you’d ever actually want to know in real life, it’s the mother-daughter relationship that stops me from clicking away. A mother-daughter duo who eat piles of junk food together, speak in their own coded language, have silly traditions, and engage in maybe four big blowout fights in the course of seven seasons is a fairytale and for my two cents—it’s one made more compelling by the fact that the characters in this idyllic relationship are fairly unlikable once you dig into their varying ticks and behavioral habits. It’s also just a little too fun to mull over the show’s flaws with a fellow viewer and that, as it turns out is the root of the whole issue.

As I got deeper into thinking about Gilmore Girls and the concept of hate-watching in general, I stumbled upon an article from Forbes that probes at this very topic. It’s a great read. The biggest and most fascinating takeaway is that we’re drawn to things we hate, especially if we can commiserate about them with close friends. Things we find distasteful can incite us to continue engaging and to take a stand and despite the turn-off of engaging with the thing we hate, we love to dissect it and discuss it. Humans are wild.

“Feelings of hate can be more overpowering than feelings of dislike, which could possibly explain our hate-fueled late-night binge watches. We’re indifferent towards media that we dislike. However, we keep watching media that offends our moral character so that we can take action.” - Forbes

I’m so curious how many of you hate-watch a particular show. And I’m wondering who else might watch Gilmore Girls with repeated eye rolls as I do. So, to round things out this week I’m going to leave this little poll here:

Still thinking about:

Getting some inspiration to jump back into the collage journaling I did as a kid

Loving this drugstore moisturizer for a good skin quench

Dreaming of a new do-it-all tote for spring. Loving this one this one. But also keeping my eye out for more budget-friendly options.

Instantly putting this recipe on my to-make list

Coveting this genius travel bag that allows your makeup and bottles to remain upright