No one looking over my shoulder
Hello again! I’m coming to you having once again been failed miserably by my immune system. We’re 0 for 3 for healthy weeks in January but fingers crossed this is where we turn the corner. For now, I’m hopped up on antibiotics, probiotics, and a litany of over-the-counter cold meds so please forgive me if this issue takes an odd turn here or there.
Last year I set a goal for myself (not a resolution or vision, just something small I wanted to accomplish) of reading 24 books. If you have kids you immediately understand the difficulty of this given free is nearly non-existent. But, I’m happy to report I added a respectable 20/24 books to my completed pile. This year, I’m really gunning for that goal of 24 and January started VERY strong.
I’ve been part of a book club for about a decade now. Our first book of the year was Maame—book club members who are also subscribers there are spoiler alerts ahead so avert your eyes— and I loved it. I struggle at times with books that are very contemporary in their setting and plot. I think it comes down to loving the world building and mystery that can come from the fantasy or historical fiction genres that I often read. That said, I’d recommend Maame to all! The modernity of the story didn’t stop the author from building a really vivid environment to see her characters in and the story itself is rich and poignant. My second book of the month, though, is where this newsletter really begins.
I’ve had Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver on my “to read” list for months. I’ve finally gotten to it and while I’m over 100 pages from the end, I can tell you now….this is one of the best books I have ever read.
About 10 days ago I texted our book club group chat and said, “Barbara Kingsolver is such a good writer it makes me want to cry.” And that’s no hyperbole. When I read this book I genuinely feel that I’m witnessing someone step into their purpose for living. Kingsolver can do nothing but this. This is the fiber of her being. I read her other best seller, Poisonwood Bible and it was incredible but Demon Copperhead is a masterpiece. She has a Pulitzer to prove it but even if she didn’t, you can feel it in your cells that what you’re reading is so personal to her, so intimate that she is inviting you in in a rare way that’s entirely impossible to fake. The intimacy she’s able to wield comes from her lived experience growing up in the very same region her protagonist does and from work she did interviewing addicts and former addicts (a theme in the book). And to think I almost pushed this book aside yet again this month.
What changed my mind and ultimately made me reach for Demon Copperhead this month was reflecting back on Kingsolver’s interview on Armchair Expert. For those who are paid subscribers, you saw this episode listed in my special issue about things I thought about most in 2023. For others, I highly recommend giving the episode a listen.
In it, Kingsolver said one sentence that has become my mantra ever since. She said, “I really do write with nobody looking over my shoulder.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I write with nobody looking over my shoulder.
That small powerful sentence is what I repeat to myself every week I sit down here to talk with you. Because I have so much I want to say and yet I don’t know all of you, nor you me on many levels. Because there are things I want to tell you and to connect with you on that are deeply vulnerable and controversial and that may even cause some of you to leave and I don’t want that.
And yet, writing with nobody looking over your shoulder is an invitation to rid yourself of shadows and write in the light. I spoke to a dear and brilliant friend last Friday about a few sensitive subjects and she asked me if I’d ever share about my religious upbringing and the ripples it caused in my life through this newsletter. And my instant reaction was to repeat Kingsolver’s sentence to myself. Because that’s a touchy subject and my truest thoughts on it very much leave me feeling that those in my life who disagree are very much looking over my shoulder. But a mantra is there to be repeated and slowly slowly Kingsolver’s words sinking in.
I find the power of that sentence can be applied to a lot of things. What do you want to do with vulnerability, confidence, bravery, and your whole chest? If you gave yourself permission, what would be your fill in the blank? Would you parent with no one looking over your shoulder? Would you speak your mind with no one looking over your shoulder? Would you work toward a raise or quit your job or move?
Growing up I always had quotes stuck up all over my room and in every notebook. I really believe in the power of words and in the necessity of repetition for cognition and mastery. I write with no one looking over my shoulder and so far it’s brought me this little community that so love to chat to every week and many of you seeking me out to tell me which issues have struck a nerve or encouraged you. Those are the best results of writing free and unwatched that I could imagine. I’ve just been thinking that if we brought that sentence to other areas of our lives we might find open doors, peace, and understanding we never expected.
Still thinking about…
This chef’s ultra helpful breakdown of the best and least toxic pans to cook with; so practical, so helpful
Planning to try this new drugstore tinted moisturizer that’s getting mega hype
Adding this fantasy book to my February list because the Internet can’t shut up about it
This creator’s refreshing take on why she stopped being a full time influencer and returned to a 9-5
Saving these fun, somewhat zany sunnies to my Want Locker wish list for spring