Hobbies and having someone to scold you
...turns out it's kind of....nice?!
Who the hell even has hobbies?
Once I turned 35 the Internet started yelling at me to get a hobby. The demand was there in seemingly every article written for “30-something-mom.” The promised benefits in all these articles were pretty hefty: You’ll feel like your pre-mom self! You’ll find a new challenge to dig into! Self fulfillment here you come! And so on. The thing is….I don’t remember being an avid hobby collector in years gone by. My “old”self didn’t knit or run competitively or participate in fandom of any kind. My sweet, broke 20s were all about playing.
Downtime for 20-something me was for sleeping, binging The Office, reading, shopping, and *cough* drinking. Spending your 20s in NYC as I did is about being on the go, not honing a personal project to perfection. But here I sit, freshly 38 and I’m on month three of a brand new hobby and here to tell you all about it.
Before you jump to conclusions, this newsletter is not the hobby.
I’ve been writing for my entire life. As a child I wrote very depressing short stories (one was set in colonial times and involved a young man dying in war….I don’t know, friends, I don’t know). I wrote my way through a career in magazines right into a personal blog that then led me straight to a career in marketing where I mostly edit other people’s work. I miss creative writing immensely. And as my close friends—and certainly my husband—will tell you, I think about a lot of random crap. Kind of all the time. I have an ongoing discussion with my little sister about my complete inability to comprehend how big whales are and my bewilderment over how so many can fit in the ocean. I think about it all the time! So, why not return to writing and sharing and keep thinking deeply, but this time with friends.
On a weekly basis we’ll celebrate taking a little time to ponder something. Chances are you’re mulling over some of these topics, too. And if not, maybe you’ll walk away with something new to muse on. And because I can’t resist the pull of my old life in beauty and fashion, you’ll get fun little shopping links, too. Because I also think about new shiny things all the time (the Libra in me!) So, welcome!
Back to the new hobby…
Sometimes, I get in the mood to just DO something. To make something happen—it’s a form of tunnel vision. The key is acting fast before I can overthink it (this is a theme as you can see). During one of these moments about three months ago I reached out to Rae.
Rae is a classically trained singer and vocal coach and has been for some 30 years. She’s (forgive me for trying to guess a lady’s age but…) over 50 and she’s extremely spicy. She has a set of pipes you wouldn’t believe and she uses them to sing and scold me often.
I sent her a nervous email asking if she was taking new students citing my goal as “hoping to join an audition choir in 2024.” Once the email was out I quickly grabbed some chocolate to settle my nerves and promptly ignored the fact that I’d just reached out to a vocal coach after not singing for about 10 years.
As if she could read my mind (and the fact that I’d emailed her in a fit of passion) Rae followed up about three times goading me to book my first session. I could sense the spice immediately in her email tone…something to the tune of “You said you wanted lessons! Let’s get started; email me back!” I finally summoned the courage and nervously logged on to a zoom call with her about two weeks later.
I haven’t sung in SO long. I took voice lessons as a child and sang at church and in choirs all the way up through college (threw in some musical theater, music theory courses, and show choir too). But wow…I was rusty.
Rae spent the first lesson correcting everything I did. My posture was wrong, my vowels were nasally, my breathing was shallow. All of it…wrong, wrong, and wrong. After our brief 30-minute zoom I was mentally and physically exhausted.
Singing involves so much body work, so many microscopic adjustments to get the sound just so, infinite mental gymnastics as you try to remember a pitch and breathe properly and hold your posture, and keep your tongue from getting in the way and garbling the note, and more and more and more. There is so much to think about and not think about to get everything sounding effortless. I was, frankly, pissed at how bad I was that first lesson. Furious that even though I identify as a singer I sounded like a fraud (to my overly critical ear).
Rae didn’t let up. The first month was grueling. I sang endless scales and vocal warmups. She never once complimented me and it drove my inner over-achiever wild. She is an incredible teacher and singer and she is tough as nails. Old school. Meticulous and exacting. And just so completely, exactly what I needed.
Eureka!
About a month and a half into our lessons, yet again exhausted and having just finished a session in which I attempted to sing a song and she stopped me (no joke) every other word for correction, I looked at Rae and said, “Is it getting any better?” Her response, a classic, “Can’t you tell?”
What followed was a genuinely lovely exchange. She said that people who don’t want to get better don’t stick with her. Students quit all the time. Despite being obnoxiously competitive with myself and thoroughly frustrated after every other lesson, I was still there. And that, she said, shows I’ve got what it takes. And, if I’m honest with myself, I know I’m improving. Dramatically. I hear it and better yet I feel it.
The moral of the story is that hobbies can actually bring you back to yourself. Singing for me is a missing puzzle piece, long collecting dust and so vital to who I am. Now that I’ve tapped into it I just feel better. But just as important as saying yes to the hobby is who goes along for the ride with you.
Rae is the very blunt, slightly mean push I needed to make me dig deep. To challenge me and light up some long quiet neurons. Maybe you need a gentle touch, or a hard push, or a new community to put a skip in your step. Whatever it is, just eat some chocolate and write the email, buy the course, show up for the club, go ahead! And let me know how you feel after. I, myself, have been thinking that there’s something to this hobby thing.
Still thinking about…
(a few things haunting me on the Internet)
These transformed my hideous mudroom into a much chicer space and they couldn’t be easier to install. File under “no demo Reno”
Dying to read Allison’s new book. I bought myself a styling session with her earlier in the year and it was amazing!
Can’t stop laughing at this creator’s spot-on content.
The foundation makes my skin look the best it’s ever looked.
The insanely affordable (how?!) home goods site, Goodies. Loving this gorgeous bowl but this stuff sells out SO fast.
Chat next week!